Paraprosdokians
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Huh???  What the heck is a "paraprosdokian"?  Well, it is apparently comes from the Greek language meaning "beyond expectation" and is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is unexpected in a way that causes the reader to reframe or reinterpret the first part.  It is used frequently for humorous or dramatic effect.  Below are some dandy examples -- ENJOY!

 

 Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

 

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 

The last  thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list

 

 A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

 

 Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

 

If I  agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

 

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

 

War does not determine who is right -- only who is  left.

 

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

 

Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

 

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

 

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.

 

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

 

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

 

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.

 

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

 

Whenever  I fill out an application, in the part that says  "In an emergency, notify:"  I put "A DOCTOR."

 

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming  you.

 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

 

A clear  conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

 

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

 

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a  piece of seaweed touches my foot.

 

Some cause happiness wherever they go... Others, whenever they go.

 

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

 

I used to be indecisive.  Now I'm not so sure.

 

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

 

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

 

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

 

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 

 When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

 

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January 18, 2011