1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running
low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was
the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars
"But I paid a million dinars for it," the
King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a
Star, makes no difference who you are."
2. Evidence has been found that William
Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league
records were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom the Tells
3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's
office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly
responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
4. A marine biologist developed a race of
genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a
steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to
go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the
road. Afraid to waken them, he
gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with....
transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
5. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch
Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they
already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The
new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather
than California . This, of course, is the origin of the expression,..."He who
has a Tate's is lost!"
6. A thief broke into the local police
station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson
was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
7. An Indian chief was feeling very sick,
so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man
took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him
to bite off, chew,and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month,
the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged
and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
8. A famous Viking explorer returned home
from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife
insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely
saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
9. There were three Indian squaws. One
slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a
hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby
boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes
to prove that...the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws
of the other two hides.
10. A skeptical anthropologist was
cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal Brujo
who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case
of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the Brujo looked
him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't
the Frog goes into his local bank seeking a loan. Patricia Flack, the
loan officer, asks him to put up some collateral. He provides a
bobblehead statue of A-Rod. She asks her manager whether she can accept
this. His response is "It's a knickknack, Patty Flack. Give the frog a
Feb 5, 2010